Scatterbrained

by Joseph McDade

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1.
03:59
She doesn't talk much out of fear of exposing herself Consumed by regret and anxiety But when she has the nerve to speak up to anyone else It's met by offset hostility This patchwork quilt of concrete and steel is telling her how to think and to feel Her mind is not hers anymore She walks into her room and hides her face within her hands and silently she dreams of distant lands Return, cast off your worries and rest beneath the bright golden leaves And learn that peace can be found in between The branches of the Elm tree Feeling the weight of expectation Solace found only in dreams The backlit frame calls her by name revealing her shame and what she could gain She tries to escape from its hands Asking God for guidance as a voice now breaks the silence And once again she dreams of distant lands
2.
05:24
Winter, the air outside is cold and bitter With dreary sky and frozen river No sun above to keep me warm Thinking to when the birds will all be singing But until then there’s only one thing To help me weather out this storm The spark that shines inside your eyes is all I’ll ever need to get me through Oh darkness fades when I follow your lead. Pull this frigid heart in from from the cold, let it unfreeze Thaw it out and warm it like a golden summer breeze But even as the winter waits it's time to turn to spring I’ll be right here, waiting just for you Stay true, although that I have yet to meet you I'm positive our paths will cross soon And you’re all that I'm waiting for And Maybe, when snow comes falling down so fiercely And you're the one who's here beside me We’ll stay inside and lock the door
3.
04:14
Echoes return from the distant past If only I could just make them last They slip through my hands It’s like playing catch with sand Raindrops roll across the window sill And waning sunlight I remember still I find my repose Though memories are colored in rose But all those distant echoes are no more Like vanished waves upon the shore But we can’t go back, back to where we were before Though I can’t stop dreams of what was and what might have been Racking my brain to remember your voice I’d turn back time if I had a choice But despite my best intentions The hands move only in one direction Waves crash on the shore Little patter on the porch I hear your voice call back to me As my thoughts rush out to sea Waves crash on the shore Can’t go back to where we were before But all those distant echoes are no more Like vanished waves upon the shore But we can’t go back, back to where we were before I'm sorry I cannot stop the clock, now all I can do is move on
4.
I have never had my heart broken before Afraid to go and put it on the line I always said I'd step out when the right one came along But you had been with me for all this time I had never found someone to call my own Cautious so much I never even tried They always said it’s best to leave distractions at the door This was the best advice, you would have been pushed aside I have been seen by so many, known by few First impressions never my best suit But you knew me before I could even speak or hum a tune No one sees me like the way you do Falling deeper for you every day I cannot explain How much your love for me is everything I’ve dreamed of All I've been searching for was you Falling deeper for you a little bit more every day I'm feeling like I've been made new, the past is now fading away Alone here with you, I’ve found out who I’m meant to be Reciprocation overdue and so much left for me to see All I've been through with you Everything was just my first sneak preview Falling deeper for you every day Alone here with you
5.
Replacing boards upon this bow But will it be the same if all the parts have been exchanged? Like salt that loses all its flavor Will I be thrown away if I Don’t fit the expectation They say we're defined by what we do, not who we are inside Or at least that's what I’m told What if I’m just not able to be what I've always been What if I break the mold? Featherless birds we are alike And bees with nothing left to carry Now what can show my worth?
6.
Afterglow is fading Moonrise takes its place Final embers waning, darkness comes chasing Mind begins its race Every thought converging, Every fresh imagined scheme Grand illusions merging with random intentions In a conscious fever dream Still my heart Still my heart Still my mind and soul Make me whole again Welcome back again my friend, did you think this would end this time? Drown it out again my friend, raise that noise to put me back in line.
7.
Help my unbelief I believe
8.
I have walked alone for far too long This path seems endless Begging you to show me some compassion if you can Feeling hopeless gasping for the air within your breath My hands are shaking speak to me a single word and it alone will be enough I’m on my knees again, don’t be far from me Do you hear my cries? They’re so familiar I still believe, but help my unbelief You gave me the tools to work But not the strength to use them “Ask and you’ll receive” I have begged to no avail Why does it seem like you build me up to break me down? You’re not sadistic Give to me a single sign and it alone will calm my fears But how can I believe when you’re so far from me? Do you hear my pleas? I feel I’m fading. I will believe, but help my unbelief Faith is but a choice to follow, no matter what the cost Teach me to believe when I can’t see You give a voice to the silent and a song to the deafened You give rest to the weary and audacity to the insecure You give faith to the skeptical and fulfillment to the wandering You give joy to the afflicted and love to the lonely Above all else you give yourself to the unworthy and undeserving Love has found me broken By faith I'll be made new Though doubts and fears have spoken You’ll always be the one to help me through
9.
03:08
Did I ever become what I hoped to be? As my breath expires now all I can see Empty corridors, vacant rooms, and balconies Evidence of anti-sociability Expectation ravaged by reality Nothing ever happened like I thought it should Someone else might say it was a tragedy But I wouldn't trade it even if I could Even when I tried to push you far away You would never run from me or leave me be What I've done to deserve this, I cannot say Someone else would throw me out like old debris Did I ever become what I hoped to be? As my breath expires now all I can see Eyes of one who would never abandon me Even as I leave this dark reality

about

This is a passion project more than 5 years in the making, as well as my senior project at the College of Saint Rose. I hope you enjoy it!

credits

released May 9, 2018

All songs written by Joseph McDade

Producer: Joseph McDade
Assistant producers: James Johnson, Richard Hazleton, Kayla Carknard, Scott Long
Engineer: Joseph McDade
Assistant Engineers: James Johnson, Scott Long, Kayla Carknard

Lead Vocals: Richard Hazleton, James Johnson, Laura Johnson, Joseph McDade
Backup Vocals: Kayla Carknard, Laura Johnson, Joseph McDade
Guitars: Joseph McDade
Bass: Joseph McDade, James Johnson
Keys: Joseph McDade and Richard Hazleton
Drums: Josh Morris
Piano: Elena Karpoff, Joseph McDade
Violin: Ali Genevich
Saxophone: Scott Chatfield
Cover Art: Jack McDade

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Joseph McDade Albany, New York

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